Searching for reality

If it seems like I am grasping at straws, I guess that’s a fair assessment. Am I the only one who feels like we’re missing some details? Sometimes it feels to me like we’re missing whole galaxies!

I have a vast array of friends on facebook, Christian and those who want nothing to do with Christianity alike. The Christians are varied. Some are actively political. Some paste scriptures everywhere. I used to do more of that. But then I started seeing how alienating it can be for someone who doesn’t know the Lord. It’s like we’re talking over people’s heads instead of speaking heart to heart in a way that is meaningful. Some are contending for miracles. I see a pretty good portion of the gamut of the spectrum in terms of what is represented as Christianity in the world. What I would like to see, more than anything else, though, is the kind of love and devotion to each other that Jesus showed us. I believe if people saw that, lives would be changed: specifically, the quality of people’s lives would change…for the better. I think love, and specifically, Christ’s love, is the greatest miracle of all. So if it looks as if I’m looking for answers beyond what we’ve had available to us, then yes. I most certainly am. If we can’t find it in what we have available, I have to ask…what are we missing? And where do we find it?

I know that my love is imperfect. It seems I’ve so far to go with love being matured in me to the point of actually being able to do some good in this earth. And when I see such loud and prevalent press presence given to those who name the name of Christ but no love can be felt in the message being conveyed, my heart aches, and the feeling of inadequacy to make a difference almost overwhelms me, and I feel alone, and helpless.

I am looking for answers. Perhaps I’m even looking for shortcuts. I feel I’ve so little time…

“And we are put on this earth a little space that we might learn to bear the beams of love.”  William Blake


“Other Gospels”

Whenever texts are unearthed other than what made it into what is widely accepted to be texts of the Bible that have something that Jesus supposedly said, like the gospel of Thomas found in 1945, for example, Christians, scholars and laymen alike, have been so quick to dismiss it. I mean, those writings were found less than a century ago! It’s almost 2,000 years old and survived! If it was truly written by someone who had direct contact with Jesus after the resurrection, who do we think we are to dismiss it in less than a century’s time??? My question is, why throw out anything??? Not that everything we find shouldn’t be examined with whatever exists as historical records we have and scrutinized by whatever tools we have available, and scrutinized again as new tools become available. The thing is, I just can’t help but wonder if the reason we are so quick to dismiss new evidence is simply because it introduces a new idea and perspective that challenges all that we have come to widely accept as the tenets of Christian doctrine.

Did not Jesus spend the entirety of the life and time that He had with His followers challenging absolutely all that they had ever come to think and accept about Him, the Messiah, and the God who sent Him? So why should any new evidence that we uncover about the time when Jesus walked the earth to be any different? Is it somehow threatening to the very fabric of all that we think that we are as Christians? And, if so, why is that a bad thing? I say, if a belief can be threatened with extinction, and it can indeed become extinct by whatever is threatening it, then let it become extinct! God is not extinct! Therefore, it is logical and rational to conclude that anything that is a true representation of Him cannot become extinct. It cannot be easily dismissed and just go away. A true representation will hold just as God’s true being holds. I believe this to the very core of my being!!


I have been focusing on my birth mother experiences lately over at another blog site that I’m sharing mostly with adoption circles, but I do want to also have a place to process a lot of what I’ve been going through spiritually.  Here is as good a place as any.

I’ve had a lot of interesting encounters recently, coming into contact with respectable people who have talked about different things concerning Christ and even proposed credible claims that research has uncovered things about Jesus and the crucifixion that differ dramatically from the accounts of biblical texts.  Long ago, I started moving in the direction of no longer confronting people, their beliefs, ideas, and concepts about God.  I started paying more attention to what I’ve noticed through the years, and that is this: God isn’t parting the clouds and getting into people’s faces, confronting those whose ideas might differ from His own. That said, I have started thinking that perhaps following His example in this way might be advantageous.

Recently, a culmination of these ideas kind of marched through my thoughts in an almost bombarding kind of way.  In my heart, I began reviewing what I’ve believed, what the Bible has proclaimed Christ to be. The more I revisited what I believed at the first, the more peace and love and tranquil confidence filled my being.  Of course, if what I am believing, as some may suggest, is all just a glamorous fairy tale, a myth, what-have-you, what a beautiful way of believing and being.  I’ve missed out on nothing, I’ve lost nothing, and have truly only benefited from what I have believed.  

I have no reason to believe that God would let me believe a lie or would represent Himself to be anything other than who and what He is. I have tried on and tried out the many different ideas and sincerely considered the varying possibilities with an open heart and mind.  I’ve listened with patience, innocence, respect, and love when people explain what is apparent to them about God that can differ significantly from that which is apparent to me.  I feel that any belief system that challenges what I believe is a good thing.  If what I believe cannot hold up under scrutiny or clashing ideas – and/or even proposed evidence – then I really have a shaky foundation anyway, and what I believe is useless.  But if it can hold up, I have a firm foundation.

I have been shaken and tried and still I love and believe in the Jesus I have loved and believed in for 18 years.  Believing in Him as I have believed in Him, as the risen Lord, still fits like a well-fitting and great-feeling garment, like nothing else does.  New ideas that differ from this do not threaten me or what I have come to believe.  If anything, my belief only becomes more sure and rock solid with each test and trial.  Praise and glory to His holy name!!!

I do not even need to quibble over whether God is male or female.  The answer is yes.  God is 100% male, and 100% female, all wrapped up perfectly in one glorious package that is so much more than gender and anything else we can know of any deity and/or being.

One thing that has changed, though, is my belief about how He is to be shared and presented to others.  I do not believe it is my job to try and rip away what has become apparent to another, or to minimize or invalidate who and what others believe God to be.  My job, as I see it, is to walk in the Light as He is in the Light and to share who He is to me as the opening to do so presents itself.  If someone hears and it resonates within them as it does within me, then I have gained another brother or sister to walk and rejoice with.  If it does not resonate, then it is my privilege to honor the soul I see before me; for I believe this is the message of the cross: Every soul is sacred.


Hi you, whoever you are that has ventured here, and welcome. I decided, as I do from time-to-time, that I want to do a new thing with my blogging. This time, instead of totally deleting my last blog (i.e., my typepad blog) and starting over, I’ve decided to leave it as is and just let it go dormant – but I do also wish to keep it intact rather than mourning the loss of some of the articles that went up into cyberspace flames later.

I’ve decided that I want this blogging project to be a more private affair, so, for now, I won’t be programming this site to post links to my facebook and twitter accounts, and I won’t be promoting it in any way. If it’s going to be found, it’s going to be found lost in the shuffle.  That said, if you’ve come here, then I’d like to believe it is a meant-to-be kind of thing. I’m glad you are here. I’ve been yearning to bare my soul and deal with some issues with raw honesty rather than holding back as I’ve tended to do with the other blog. I believe this is a time for not holding back. There are discoveries that need to be made. It’s time to get down to it. Writing has always been a creative outlet and catalyst for discovery in the past. I’ve no reason to believe this outlet will let me down now.